Tuesday, March 17, 2009


Mars, bitches! Anybody remember that? We haven’t been to Mars. I was promised Mars! We haven’t been back to the Moon. I was promised the Moon! I was promised asteroid miners, and harvesting of helium-3 from the lunar lithosphere that would make fusion possible and lead to Energy Fucking Nirvana! Instead we get pirate avatars popping up from our pillowcases to sell us Brazilian vaccines while we’re busy trying to fuck some woman half our age who swore to us that she’d never been with a man before! Well, that’s what happens to me, anyway. There’s a bright side to information saturation. But I want Mars! I want rockets and domes on the Moon, spacemen! Man, I wanted to be an astronaut. Even after I had to get glasses, I wanted to be an astronaut. That’s my excuse for getting fat, was disappointment that I couldn’t be an astronaut. The future let me down, so I ate a bunch of fucking calzones and fried chicken! The future let me down, so I crawled into the VR rig and pretended I was the Lothario of the spaceways! The future let me down, so I can’t get a job! The future let me down by becoming the present! How dare that fucking future. How dare it…

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